She came in, a different version than her normal self. The spark of light no longer glowed inside. The easy laughter and playful nature, gone. Disconnected from herself inside. The pain had taken its toll. Don’t feel. The mantra of Elsa from Frozen popped in my head: “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.” She was frozen. No amount of cajoling or lightheartedness could break her icy shell. She’s breakable, frail and has put up a wall between herself and her feelings as well as herself and others. People had let her down so much and so often that the painless choice was to turn off, to distance. Inside, her neurotransmitters and ability for joy had stopped firing. Sadness, hurt, trauma had been repeated so much that the neural pathways had been strengthened for emotional numbness. She was so disconnected that her ability to feel or recognize emotions in herself was gone…… A mere frozen shadow of herself.
How can she feel again? How? Sensory experiences can activate the middle part of the brain/the feeling brain. Movement. I tossed her a ball and her face changed, just for a moment. She opened up for just a glimpse of joy. I made a crack in the frozen shell, the dark shadow…..some light creeped in. We need to create some new pathways……new habits: Movement and connecting to inner sensations and feelings. She needs rhythm and caregiver attunement……someone that gets her and moves in sync with her. Someone that is predictable and can be counted on to respond with kindness every time. This builds safety and security. She needs to feel seen, be soothed, and to experience safety. Slowly, she can come out of just surviving to thriving.
flourishings.blog 