As I was driving down the road, I found myself tearing up, grieving again over a moment lost in the past, freshly stirred by a recent loss in the present. As moms, we want our moments. We feel we’ve earned them after having loved and nurtured our children and when they (the special moments) get ripped away, well, we are broken-hearted. Mamas deserve their special moments.
Raw emotions and raw onions make you cry. I thought this after I heard how grief is like an onion according to K-Love today. What great timing for this message as I was feeling broken-hearted at just that moment. A layer (e.g. onion) gets pulled back and the grief (tears) comes back afresh, maybe it’s remembering a lost loved one or a lost moment. You realize that you’re not fully healed as that new layer of yourself is exposed. You thought you had worked on it and reached forgiveness or acceptance, but here you are grieving again.
Later, I was talking to a friend about how hurt I was having a new moment stolen by the same people. It made me think of the past and that stolen moment. “Satan has his ways and works through people” my friend said. So true. Angrily I mused that the selfishness and unconcern or callousness of people can make you angry, if you focus on it too much. I would never want to steal another person’s joy away or their special moments with family. Who does that any way? Who needs that control? Is it insecurity or a desire for power and adoration? I was feeling anger and hurt (but really grief under the layers).
My friend said, “pray for them.” I do. I pray for their conviction, their kindness, and their empathy (for them to truly understand this pain). I pray for wisdom, for my forgiveness to return and for my pain to go away. He is close to those who are broken hearted and crushed in spirit. And, I truly must forgive if my father is to forgive me. Praying God’s forgiveness and His comfort for them and for me.
Goodness, raw emotions and raw onions really do make you cry.
flourishings.blog 