There is a parable of unknown origin. It’s not biblical so I shared it with a friend to help me see it through a Christ-centered lens.
The parable begins with a teacher of wisdom asking the student, “If you are shot with an arrow, does it hurt?” The student replied, “yes, it does.”
Then the teacher asked, “If you are shot with a second arrow, does it not hurt more?” The student replied, “yes, it does.”
The teacher explained that the first arrow is the human experience of life. Everyone gets hit with this arrow at some point in their lives. The arrow is pain, and examples are death of a loved one, rejection or divorce, illness, loss of opportunity or job, disability, etcetera. Pain was brought into the world with the first choice to sin. We cannot do anything about the first arrow.
The second arrow is our emotional reaction. We have a choice with the second arrow but many times we find ourselves suffering more. The second arrow is ruminations of “why did this happen,” thoughts of “I not loveable or enough,” and many other reactions: Anger, frustration, self-pity, deep fear, and catastrophizing. This arrow usually hurts far more than the first arrow, as it comes from our thoughts and emotions and beliefs.
Ever met someone who has been struck by many First Arrows but still praises God and has joy in their life? They chose not to be hit by the Second Arrow.
Job had first arrow pain in family, emotional, and financial as well as physical losses. He was doing okay and trusting God and then his friends and wife brought in doubt, and he began to question God and experience great suffering (arrow 2 pain). My friend also shared about an episode of The Chosen. In The Chosen, Little James is Second Arrow suffering and asks Jesus, “Why have you not healed me if we will be given the power to heal?” Jesus replies, “You have a stronger message than the others. I could heal you with one word but then your connection and testimony would not be as powerful. You have a disability yet still love me, believe in me, and praise me; you know that ultimately you will be healed in Heaven.”
I think of Peter and how Jesus called him to walk to him across the waters. He was doing well on the stormy waters (life) and only sank and suffered when he took his eyes off Jesus. What or who we focus on can take away the second arrow. We have a choice to be hit by the second arrow or not. My daughter, in another discussion said, don’t be a target for the second arrow. If you stay stuck, stationary, then the second arrow will get you. Move. Move out of the way of the second arrow by turning to God, healthy practices, mindfulness, grow in positive emotions. See and listen to an amazing video on the scene with Jesus and Peter: Bing Videos
How can we avoid Second Arrow suffering? We have a choice in how we respond. Though in the first arrow we may not have a choice, the second arrow (deeper suffering), we may. When we recognize the second arrow and understand its source (ourselves), we can begin to shift our mindset and reduce unnecessary suffering. (e.g. Peter and keeping his eyes on Jesus). We need to develop awareness of our thoughts and emotions and learn to manage them in healthy ways. We can choose to turn to God in prayerful meditation. We can turn to friends or counselors, too. Mindful practices (staying in the present moment) and acknowledging our feelings can help as well. Cultivating positive emotions as a buffer helps us to have neural pathways of positivity (i.e. positive mindset). Turning to God additionally helps us to have neural pathways of hope (His spirit in us). I may be stretching the scientific world on neural pathways, but maybe not.
Actually, what does the research say? Why increase or maintain positive emotions routinely? Livingstone and Srivastava (2012) declared that positive emotions buffer from stress and help to relieve physiological pain from negative emotions. Therefore, practicing positive emotions appears to be a protective factor psychologically if practiced routinely.
Broaden-and-Build model of positive emotions proposes that positive emotions such as joy, interest, and contentment serve to broaden the scope of attention, cognition, and action, and build long-term physical, cognitive, and social resources.
Therefore, cultivating these positive emotions helps with resilience and well-being for the future (2012, p. 504).
Some of the up-regulation strategies from their preliminary study were: Seeking pleasurable/master-oriented activities and distraction; relaxation like meditation, focusing on the positive like gratitude or blessings, and helping others, and socialization The researchers additionally explored happiness-seeking literature for the following strategies: “Social affiliation activities, instrumental goal pursuit, passive leisure, active leisure including exercise, religion, and intentionally smiling or acting happy as well as using your strengths and imagining your best possible self” (Livingstone & Srivastava, 2012, p. 506).
Let’s practice….Listen to this Christian meditation from Leaning into the Holy Spirit | Guided Christian Meditation – YouTube
John 14:26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
And, one last song of hope to know that He has you through it all, He will take care of you: Bing Videos
flourishings.blog 