Let’s say I’m in 6th grade and I’m giving a speech and I mispronounce some words, and everyone laughs. I might negatively evaluate the situation and tell myself “I’m stupid” and generalize this negative evaluation to every event thereafter. I am not being compassionate with myself. I could be compassionate with myself instead and say.. “so I forgot a line or mispronounced a few words, people laughed, no big deal.” My compassionate words are not distorted in this latter situation, and I’m not affected negatively moving forward.
But why do I get stuck in the negative or what if I get stuck in a negative loop? Our brains and memories are powerful. Memories are stored in memory networks (those neural connections) and form the foundation for our future perceptions. New experiences then link to these stored memories or memory networks and affect our present-day interpretations. We saw the speech event as negative and then when we perform in future situations, we may evaluate ourselves negatively again. We may even expect to not do well, or we may view the reactions from other people as non-accepting (a distortion).
So how do we heal our negative distortions and interpretations? How do we get out of the negative loop or track? Empathy first. Acknowledge the feelings (disappointment, embarrassment, feeling humiliated and so glad when it was over). I would acknowledge how tough the situation was…I would listen….. then would ask them or myself, “what would a friend say to you about this” or “if this happened to your friend, how would you view them now?” WE are all human. These compassionate questions and ensuing comments bring the wise mind online and can help someone regulate their tough emotions and change negative self-evaluations. These memory networks can change when we compassionately process the perceived negative event(s) and encourage compassionate truths.
Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
This means self-compassion. Practice being self-compassionate and share that compassion with others. Strengthen those positive compassion muscles or tracks (AKA neural networks) in your brain. You deserve love and you are NOT the distortions.
Next time: Our negative perceptions are not the truth. How can I build a positive and healthy self-image?
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