So, most of my teens are grown and in college now and I wanted to start a teen blog again because the mental health for kids, teens, and young adults (not excluding myself either) appears to have deteriorated post-Covid. I’ve learned so much, mainly through my mistakes, about parenting which includes the necessity of emotion regulation as a parent of teens and a young adult. Really, everyone needs emotion regulation which I’ve learned about from being a parent, a college educator, and as a pediatric therapist. Regulating emotions is a lifetime challenge and goal for all of us.
So, most of the people (kids and adults) that I see either in the classroom, office, or church need help with emotions. We all have them. My research found at the university I work in that I could develop empathy in students, but emotion regulation was harder to develop. One of my favorite writers and pediatricians, Dan Siegel, talks about emotion regulation relative to the brain. Look up the Hand Model of the Brain by him. It’s really good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-m2YcdMdFw
To explain about the brain further, the top part of the brain or prefrontal cortex is logical and is the seat of our personalities (nicknamed the wise owl). Next, in the very middle, is the emotional center with the amygdala which acts as the guard dog and sounds the alert when there is danger. It can be rather “barky” too if it’s sensitive to challenges or dangers. Have you ever heard an overactive dog (barks when the wind blows) or seen the movie Inside Out? The last part or bottom part is our survival brain. When danger is identified by our guard dog, the survival brain is alerted for action (adrenaline makes our hearts beat faster, gives us energy to fight or flight, and sometimes we may freeze). Our amazing limbic system is the carrier of these messages that start in the brain. But, how can we calm our nervous system down so we can communicate with the wise owl instead of losing it in anger or a fight or having a complete meltdown with our heart racing 90 to nothing?
The window of tolerance can be expanded. Another metaphor is a stream. Sometimes the stream is wide and calm, just like a window that’s open wide. But, if I’m stressed and my kids are all over the place, my stream or window is nearly closed and the stream appears to be like the rapids or chaotic. I need to relax to expand my window of tolerance and to widen the stream to calm. How do I relax? Breathe. Simply inhale for 4 and out for 4. Or, inhale for 4, hold for 7, and exhale for 8. Do these breathing patterns 5 or 6 times. Your wise owl comes back online, and you can relax and communicate better and more effectively. The emotion center is now connected to the wise owl and is no longer signaling your survival or fight, flight, and freeze brain.
Breathe!
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