Relationships are difficult to navigate. In elementary school, everyone seems to be friends. However when one ages into middle school, the struggle is to find who you are by which group you associate with. Are you with the sports-minded kids? The cool nerds? And, yes, nerds are cool today. Musical? The list goes on. Common interests can mean common bonds, but it can also mean competition. Who’s the best player? Who has the best grade? Jealousies and resentment can erupt. Then, the person who was your friend on the team or in the class suddenly pulls a different direction. They may not sit with you on the bus going to events. It hurts to be rejected or not accepted. Allowing yourself to grieve helps, relative to that relationship, and finding new friends. As teens move into middle school and high school, relational aggression can also arise which manifests in excluding others from social activities, spreading rumors or trying to ruin someone’s reputation, and withdrawing friendships. Cyberbullying also persists among teens. What is not mentioned very much is how the hurtful actions not only impact the teen, but the teen’s family also. If you have bullied and been convicted regarding your actions, apologizing to the teen and his or her family should be recommended. Forgiveness is easier when someone makes an effort to say “I’m sorry.” Unfortunately, the reason it’s hard for relationships to move forward is the hurt and distrust that is buried deep because it was never addressed or brought out into the light. Just an “I’m sorry” helps. What if you are the one that is hurt? That’s a tough one. How can you trust again? Sometimes, you might feel forgiving, and sometimes that pain comes rushing back in. And, parents have a hard time moving forward as they are protective of the teen’s feelings and have not been included in the apology. Some verses that provide insight of friendships:
Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful (vengeful) man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
Proverbs 17:9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all you ways seek His will and He will make your path straight.
Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
People are known from their actions, and if behavior continues to be mean or malicious, then do not keep company with these friends. It is unhealthy and only makes you feel bad about yourself. Be forgiving, yes, but the Bible also discusses not keeping company with people who do not turn from hurtful ways. A good thermometer is to ask yourself, how am I convicted after spending time with this person? In other words, do I feel bad about myself or guilty about my behavior when I am with this person? Ask God for wisdom in friendships. Loyalty is a key quality in friendships. Many times misunderstandings can also arise due to lack of communication relative to hurt feelings or rejection. Rejection is not loyalty. Strive to be a loyal friend who does not exclude people or gossip. Let only good words spring from your lips and seek to repair relationships and treat people with respect. Not everyone will love you, but God always will and He is always with you. Talk to God. Also, your parents, teachers, and the church youth leadership are “go to” people who can help and pray with you. Don’t walk alone, but go to God and the people in your world who support you. And always remember who you are: A greatly-loved CHILD of GOD.
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